sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
