I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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