Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
