i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You may now shotgun with the bride
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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