i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
