New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
