I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
