I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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