I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
