Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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