If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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