apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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