I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
