I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
