No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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