I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
