And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
