He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
