So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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