and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
