My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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