I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
