My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
