what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
