and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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