community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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