i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
