i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
