every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
