If i come over, it means nothing
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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