Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
