i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
