with your own penis?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
did you just send me my own nude
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
