did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
