im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
