I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
