I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
