Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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