genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
