He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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