It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
