i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
