I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
