dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
