I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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