Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
