What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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