she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
