Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
