so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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