Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
