My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
