he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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