Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
