dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
