I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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