Where is the hickey?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
