They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
