and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
