I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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